December 2011
Monthly Archive
Fri 30 Dec 2011
A friend recently posted this on a popular social media site. As I looked over the diagram I had to consider how we all over complicate so many things in life.
Take a look, what do you think?
Of course a mechanical device, like a car for instance, is far more complicated than this but in essence doesn’t this diagram sum it up?
What might a diagram for relationships look like in it’s most simplistic form? If we broke the activities and events of life down to their basics do you think we’d have a higher success rate in repairing it when its broken?
Thu 29 Dec 2011
What constitutes honest sales techniques and what crosses the line to be rightly called deception?
Is it dishonest to know of reasons why my product may not be a good fit for a customer and yet sell the product (or service) anyway? Obviously issues which are clearly negative in nature are exempt from my questioning. If I know of a defect and don’t disclose that, then in my book that is clearly dishonest.
But what if, after discussions with a perspective customer, I am aware of gaps between my product/service and the customers expectations? If I do not misrepresent something and the customer merely assumes it, is that deceptive? I clearly set expectation about what my product could do, I simply did not say what it couldn’t do. It’s their fault what they assume without asking me.
In this last scenario there’s a mighty steep slope. Many people in sales would have no problem with this scenario. Often they’ll say things like “I didn’t tell you anything false,” or “Support will figure that out.”
In my estimation this is just as dishonest. Of course, no one can possibly cover all the bases but in due course, as I try to ensure my product or service is a good fit, if I uncover something which is contrary to expectations I should clearly address this. My product/service does not have to be perfect but any known expectation gaps should be clearly addressed before the transaction is consummated.
Many steer clear of philosophies such as this because they “may lose the sale.” I believe there are two ways to look at this.
- It’s about the product or service I am offering to a person
- It’s about the person I am offering the product or service to
#1 is a very self-centered approach. In the end my primary concern is for MY welfare, after all I need to eat, right?
#2 is others centric. In the end it’s about what’s best for you, my welfare comes secondary.
There are times when it may be hard to justify which is right.
Dave’s test: In my final moments on this earth, which will I offer up as my epitaph?
In my experience #2 is more rewarding than #1. Maybe not in dollars (although often true) – but it earns something more than money can buy with everyone that crosses my path.
What do you want your life to represent?
Wed 28 Dec 2011
Unfortunately when many former drinkers go through the grieving process over the loss of their old friend, the bottle, some never get past the anger stage.
It is a very real loss. The drink has been their friend for many years and one they could count on. When the whole world turned against them, the bottle never let them down. It was always there ready for the good times, the celebrations, the parties, as well as the sad, mad, and lonely times, too.
Finally their old friend let them down… they got in trouble with the law, lost a job or career, almost lost their family, or the doctors told them they had to stop drinking… whatever the reason, the circumstances of their life brought them to the point where they made a decision to say “so long” to the bottle.
Whether they realized it or not, they began the stages of grieving — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance — the same stages most people go through when they have a great loss in their lives or have been told they have a terminal illness.
First comes the denial — it’s really not that big a deal, I’ve always said I could quit anytime — and then the anger and depression when they realize just how much that had come to depend on their old friend alcohol.
Many make it through the process to the final stage — accepting the loss, learning and growing through the experience, and moving on.
Some never make it. It’s sad to see them, sometimes many years later, still stuck in their anger, bitterness, and resentment at having to make the change in their lives. They haven’t had a drink in years, but they have also never had a “sober” day.
You even see them in the 12-step rooms… been in the program for years and years and their lives seem to be a constant unmanageable struggle. All those years and they have no more of a spiritual awakening than they did the first time they walked into the room.
“Dry Drunk” has been described as “A condition of returning to one’s old alcoholic thinking and behavior without actually having taken a drink.” Or as one wise old drunk put it, if a horse thief goes into A.A. what you can end up with is a sober horse thief. Or a personal favorite: you can take the rum out of the fruit cake, but you’ve still got a fruit cake!
Those who quit drinking but are still angry about it, wind up living miserable lives and usually make everyone else around them miserable too. If it has been said once in an Al-Anon meeting, it has been whispered thousands of times, “I almost wish he would go back to drinking.”
An interesting piece, at least if you’re me. I find the workings of the human mind fascinating. As I read this, I had to ponder what is it that would make a person be satisfied with “stuck” in anger, bitterness and resentment? Why is it that they can’t see past the present and see what is within their reach? Why can’t they see the promise and hope of moving from where they are to where they need to go?
Ah, our comfort zone, that place where risk is not required. The state of neutrality. The state of not knowing what could be. The chains of bondage.
Why is the safety and security of the miserable preferable to the unknown of joy and happiness?
As I read the description of the non-medical condition above I have to think about so many ways each of us finds comfort, often not in the bottle, but in our unique ways. Our drugs may change but I believe our behaviors have similar roots in their effort to cope with the struggles of this life.
Fri 23 Dec 2011
Just by chance I tried out a feature on my vacation rental website
Alaskan Chalet @ Jade Lake because I had recently switched to Google Chrome. It was BROKEN! I remember it worked satisfactorily in IE8. But in hindsight I needed to do an end to end check in all the popular browsers – silly me thinking they had reached a state of compatibility and I only needed a cursory check for appearances.
Sometime in the mid 90′s I reluctantly moved from Netscape to Internet Explorer v3! It was a slow, thought out, deliberate move. Mentally there was no going back. I would give Microsoft one more brick in the wall.
Fast forward 6 versions of Internet Explorer and a few “look and see” forays into other browsing worlds, I finally made the leap. Not really a leap.
I knew I really needed to see my vacation rental site revisions in multiple browsers but this alone was not enough to sell me on Chrome. Sure it seemed faster. Sure it was moving away from the de facto monopoly. But I would not make the move unless I was sold.
It’s been about 2 weeks, I’m sold. Of course, this is when the aforementioned problem with my website occurred. I lived the last 2 days in puzzlement as to what is going wrong. Oh great – should I jump ship? Or maybe it’s not browser at all, maybe my host make some changes like they did in the past.
As it turns out the problem was always there – invalid test procedures. Yup, it was me. Hopefully I am good for every browser on the planet – but I know that will not be true in this life.
Until then, let’s cross my fingers that I have squished all those little crawly bugs.
Wed 21 Dec 2011
Q: Why is it that a “serious” talk between a couple near bedtime usually results in frustration and inadequate sleep?
A: Because it’s not focused on resolution.
The answer may be overly simplistic but I tried to take into account that other garbage often gets dragged in as well as attitudes of rightness.
Yesterdays post was based upon an understanding of something that was going on a few days prior. Nothing huge, but a problem nonetheless. We knew we’d need to revisit the triggering event and dissect it. After several days talking about making such a time and both with an attitude of let’s-understand-this-so-we-can-put-it-behind-us we found the opportunity. Unfortunately we were forced to violate every rule for such a discussion because the only foreseeable timeframe would be prior to retiring.
The conversation was pleasant and mutually agreeable. Even though it is not complete it promoted a healthier sleep than expected. We knew we wanted to get to core issues. We didn’t wrap it up but we did begin the unwrap process.
Tue 20 Dec 2011
Triggers: A trigger can be viewed as a stimulus to a response pattern.
- Proust’s madeleine cake(see footnote) triggered his memories of times past.
- Rejection may trigger depression etc.
Such triggers are usefully identified in clinical psychology so that strategies can be worked on to alter the response, so that clinical problems are avoided or managed more appropriately.
In the most basic of layman’s term (into which class I fall), a trigger is something that sets me off. A sight, a sound, a smell. It is something which causes my brain to recall a memory I did not consciously intend to recall. It’s effect often has negative consequences. It’s because of a trigger things can be going fine one minute, then in the next the world is crumbling before my eyes. A temper could go from non-existent to extreme. What is a happy time can instantly turn into a period of intense anxiety or fear.
Triggers recall memories. Triggers can be a single word which then colors my current experience. A bearded man or short woman can trigger something deep within me which makes me despise this person I have never met. I see reality but a trigger alters that reality and tells me “this is the way things really are.”
Memories of this type are often only partial and out of context. Triggers change the context. Others will look at us when “we’re triggered” and wonder what happened.
So, does it take a clinical psychologist to identify a trigger? I think not. We’ve all been triggered. We all see others triggered. We knows it’s happened. When it happens between two people, this is an ideal time to begin honest introspection and create unity by carefully dissecting what made me feel the way I felt when…
I’m not saying the process is simple. But a few strategic questions phrased as statements to be repeated can be a very useful diagnostic tool.
Fill in the blanks: “I felt _____ when you ____ because ….“
Then in response, dig deeper by saying something like: “you felt _____ because….“
(Don’t say “why did you feel….” ’Because’ is a much better word because it digs deeper than logic)
Processing like this could help to understand feelings and thought patterns which seem entirely disconnected for the reality of current events, but are in fact the distortions to current events making something that is now seem like something that was then.
When two go through this process it brings understanding to both parties and with time could diffuse the trigger bringing the relationship into the present.
(footnote): French writer Marcel Proust in his novel In Search of Lost Time made famous the concept of involuntary memory. Proust contrasts involuntary memory with voluntary memory. The latter designates memories retrieved by “intelligence,” that is, memories produced by putting conscious effort into remembering events, people, and places. Proust’s narrator laments that such memories are inevitably partial, and do not bear the “essence” of the past. The most famous instance of involuntary memory by Proust is known as the “episode of the madeleine,” yet there are at least half a dozen other examples in In Search of Lost Time including such distinct memories produced by the scent of a public lavatory on the Champs-Élysées.
Fri 9 Dec 2011
It seems that on this date in 1921 it was discovered that adding lead to gasoline would eliminate engine knock.
As it turns out added lead cannot truly celebrate 9 decades of accolades. By 1965 is was discovered that the “safe” levels of lead added to gasoline had caused an accumulation of unsafe levels in rocks and ocean sediment. This accumulation was so alarmingly high that between 1976 and 1986 use lead as an additive was phased out. As a result by 1991 the concentration of lead in the bloodstream’s of Americans had fallen by 78%.
So what’s wrong with a little lead between friends? Consider that researchers have tied even small amounts of lead exposure to low IQ, aggression, attention disorders and delinquency. A University of Pittsburgh study found that between 18 and 38 percent of crime could be tied to lead exposure. Remember the New York crime wave of the 1970s and ’80s? Some researchers say it was all due to lead poisoning.
Source:wired.com
Today ethanol (aka ethyl alcohol) has largely taken the place of lead. So I have to ask. Since the dangers of lead were known in 1921 might the harmful effects of lead been avoided were it not for prohibition?
Fri 2 Dec 2011
Posted @ 4:42 pm
{Click to post comment} Category:
Rants Does Google frustrate anyone besides me? Overall, I’d have to say it’s my preferred search engine in quality, flexibility and presentation of the data I search for. BUT…
And these are huge… it’s
- Awkward with places you dare not click or something appears (in the olden days white space was always a safe clicking area to gain control the the mouse)
- Sluggish when entering my search terms
- Multi-frames each with independent scroll bars means excessive scrolling (esp. images.google.com)
- Bookmarks has twice lost all are some of my bookmarks
- All these “newfangled” icons for entries (+1, etc.) aid to confusion
- Browser “back page” yields initial Google home vs. list of search terms – argh! Now I have to use the slow search box again!
OK, to be fair these are ONLY the ones on the top of my head. There are a lot more. Whatever happened to the old days when a search was simple and not some bloated do-everything-in-one-neat-package-so-you-slow-the-function-down.
Come to think of it Microsoft went the same route, as have many other software companies (Intuit, etc.)
Why can’t you add bells and whistles and make them 100% optional. Remove all their functionality (and resulting slowdowns) if I decide they’re not worth the price. Give me the option to keep what is working fine, working fine.
