Some things are tough but essential to move to the next level. I recently initiated a process that has inspired a months (or years) long process of introspection and development of a personal action plan. It feels like I’m no longer here but not yet there.

Not easy, but is growth ever easy?

How blessed the man you train, GOD, the woman you instruct in your Word. Psalms 94:12 – The Message (MSG)

Refuse discipline and end up homeless; embrace correction and live an honored life. Proverbs 13:18 – The Message (MSG)

So don’t feel sorry for yourselves. Or have you forgotten how good parents treat children, and that God regards you as his children? My dear child, don’t shrug off God’s discipline, but don’t be crushed by it either. Hebrews 12:5 – The Message (MSG)

If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Hebrews 12:8 – New International Version (NIV)

At the time, discipline isn’t much fun. It always feels like it’s going against the grain. Later, of course, it pays off handsomely, for it’s the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with God. Hebrews 12:11 – The Message (MSG)

I think I’m beginning to see (I mean understand) what it means to “set your mind on things above.” The realization is coming ever so slowly and it is the answer to so many struggles. I like that way Eugene Peterson words it in The Message.

Don’t shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ–that’s where the action is. See things from his perspective.Colossians 3:2 – The Message (MSG)

“See things from His perspective.” That’s easier said than done. Much easier said than done. That’s the work. Therein lies the joy.

On February 26, 2009 at 4:14pm I installed a mouse odometer on my work computer. A novelty with no purpose except entertainment value.

Here is the running status of my poor overworked mouse.

As this rate it will take approximately 2,761,387,834,994 years for my mouse to make it to the nearest star outside our solar system (Proxima Centauri ). To put it in other terms that number is only 3 times larger than the current economic bailout plan.

I guess my mouse and the current administration have something in common after all, a penchant for illimitable numbers.

It is instinctive to remove oneself from pain. Physical pain, emotional pain, there’s no difference in the strong initial desire to move away from a painful situation. Somewhere along the road we all travel pain avoidance becomes more and more learned behavior, a habit. Sometimes we even move INTO pain just so we feel we are not powerless. Regardless of the method of coping, pain causes something in us to seek to minimize its impact on us.

We shield ourselves from emotional pain with invisible barriers that may look like anger, happiness, or a carefree life, you name it. It’s all a show. Not that there aren’t other reasons to be angry or that all happiness is false or that that “easy-going guy” is disingenuous. Not at all – but many times these and many other mechanisms are barriers erected to prevent the wounding pain from occurring yet again.

It is wise for me to see these false barriers in me and break them down, one at a time. The harm I am trying to prevent traps me within the cage of my own making. The cure is worse than the disease. Why? Because, in my adult thinking I can manage this pain, sidestep it in a manner that is constructive or use an innumerable manner of other rational behaviors to deal with it. If I let unconscious habits that were built over time to control me – then the “rational me” gives up his rights and I’m trapped in a box with no choice.

Knowing what to do is not the same as knowing how to do it.

You may give me very explicit directions on exactly what to do to accomplish a set of directions. I may start down the execution of the “what’s” BUT should something unforeseen, something not spelled out in the “what” occur I am stuck unless I understand the “how.” Often the “how” is implicit in the what… at least to those that “get it.” To those outside this realm of knowledge the task appears to be unsurmountable.

Two examples.
# 1 – My wife has excellent deep down comprehension of things she reads. She can clearly articulate themes within themes, apparently at a glance. She “sees” those subtle details that may it clear as day. You ask her to write a book report – she’s there. Not only will she give you the story, she’ll give you the analysis wrapped up in a pretty bow. Watch a mystery movie with her and she’s got it pegged within the first ¼ of the movie. And here I sit watching Columbo to the very end, waiting with anticipation for the killer to be revealed – the one that was revealed in the opening scene. (OK, maybe a little hyperbole)

#2 – Troubleshooting a problem in programming logic, now that’s my game. Hmmm… number into the function machine does not yield the expected output. Methodically step through key points and check the results. Ahhh! The error was in the first major subroutine – focus all effort on that. Piece by piece. If you change the nature of the problem, strategy changes but the method and result are the same.

So why is it that I do the former with great trepidation and frustration but the latter seems harmless? The difference is the “how.” Countless times I have been told what to look for in finding a theme but I always struggle. The more complex the writing the more challenging the struggle. Yet the “how” of troubleshooting a problem regardless of whether it’s a programming logic error or mechanical machine does not phase me as long as I can isolate and test each component. Reverse the roles and my dear spouse is overwhelmed with determining whether the wiring is faulty, fuse is blown or the bulb burned out. It’s the “how.”

The “how” is what moves me from where I am at to where I want to be. I can clearly see step 1 = A and step 2 = B and follow that route like a monkey (not to dis my superior in some tasks). An obstacle could be a gear that is bound up in which the directions assumed would work properly or it could be a red herring in a movie plot. If I do not understand the ‘how” I cannot navigate from A to B, no matter how simple the steps may be to someone else.

I have sat in church on more occasions than I can keep track of and said, “yes, yes I see.” But to move from A to B seemed an impossible task. This is the struggle. The struggle is not in step A or step B the struggle is in moving.

What I’m getting at, friends, is that you should simply keep on doing what you’ve done from the beginning. When I was living among you, you lived in responsive obedience. Now that I’m separated from you, keep it up. Better yet, redouble your efforts. Be energetic in your life of salvation, reverent and sensitive before God. That energy is God’s energy, an energy deep within you, God himself willing and working at what will give him the most pleasure. Do everything readily and cheerfully–no bickering, no second-guessing allowed!
Philippians 2:12-14 – The Message (MSG)

I am becoming more and more convinced that it is learning to be “sensitive before God” that gives us the answer to the “how” of “working out our salvation (NIV).” Sensitive in the sense of earnestly seeking His answer. There is no formula, that’s what it’s all about. I am unique I need a one-of-a-kind answer and it will be a process.

Short-lived as the series was, it made it’s mark on my imagination. I remember that 2 hour made-for-TV movie in January 1979. I remember feeling that I would not for anything give up my dream of going to the moon… and Harry did.

As I slowly work my way through the 19 episodes I am brought back to that Saturday evening January 20, 1979 when “The Love Boat” and “Fantasy Island” were replaced with the dream of a junkman.

I had almost forgotten this classic. This is their first motion picture in which this routine was used.

I still don’t know who’s on first?

What do you do if you aspire to something but fall woefully short of what it takes to excel in that area?

I mean, what if I have no musical ability but would love to learn how to play? What if I aspire to build my own house but can’t nail a nail straight? What if art is my passion but putting pencil to paper is lacking?

Some would say, work at it you can achieve your dreams. How real is that really? Is it possible to even come close to achieving that which we are not gifted at?

What is the mental process we call thinking?

It is obvious to me that my brain is always firing, digesting input and creating a stimulus as a result of said processes. So what is different with the process called thinking? At some level thinking is a higher function. More than blinking or even tying my shoe.

Sometimes I can take this thought process to deeper levels and other times it seems to be all I can do to skim the outmost level of thought and maintain a sense of coherency. Foggy thought I call it. If I don’t get enough sleep, why is my thought “dulled?” How can it take so much energy to think? I have enough energy to move, run, write and yet my thought is dulled. What makes the brain tired? What gives the brain rest?

So if Dead is Dead, is John Locke smokey?