Maybe I’m tad bit old fashioned but this article in USA Today is a bit out of the ordinary. Here we have a man marrying someone old enough to be his great-great-grandmother. This woman has now entered on her 21st marriage.

Being naturally curious, a few of my questions are answered but not all of them. The article states the motivation but does have details on the previous 20 marriages. There are worlds of differences between these two but who’s to say that a marrying love cannot span 4 generations. Most couples do not have the difficulty of generational differences when they marry. I guess if you’re counting all the ways that people are unprepared for the trials that can present themselves in marriage this would not usually be on the list.

Just a thought.

I just got back from a one of those large superstores. 34 registers, 6 Express lanes (20 items or less) and I was so impatient that I seriously thought of leaving my merchandise sit right there in the cart and walk off without it. Why in the world would you pay all the money for 34 lanes with of point of sale equipment and no even have 1/3 of the registers open? I can see running the business efficiently and not opening all registers during off-peak hours but come on. The lines were ridiculously long. My wait was over 15 minutes! In the past I have left merchandise in line and left the store, but the needs of the family dictated that I “stick it out”. So frustrating. I don’t want to mention Walmart by name – but has anyone EVER seen all the registers open (even during that last week of Christmas shopping). Not to single Walmart out, I’ll bring Home Depot and Target into the fray. Does this make any ec0nomic sense to anyone? Why pay for equipment you will not use?

Is there some psychology in play here? Do they maybe think we’ll notice lot’s of registers and think service and neglect the fact that they are not manned. I am hard pressed to think of more than one establishment that has mega numbers of registers and ALWAYS has all of them open. Just a single one. Anyone want to take a guess? Costco.

Next time you head to one of those stores that has more than 10 registers, count them Look at the percentage of open registers, I’ll be you are hard pressed to find anyone with more than 50% of those systems open. What’s up with that?

Whatever happened to these institutions? Both are focused on the relationship of the male toward females or fellow males. An unwritten code (for the most part) of conduct that guided and directed a man to put others before himself.

Chivalry was the part of the code that told a man how to treat a woman. What he should do when she entered a room, how to speak in her presence, when to take a fall for the lady, in short it elevated a woman to a status that treated her as if she were far more than he. It treated her with respect and dignity, it served her and put her needs before any of his own.

Where has it gone? Can I dare say that in the quest for women to be equal with men has caused a lady to be treated as an equal. In a bit we’ll explore the brotherhood of men but one point I’d like to bring up is that men DO NOT elevate men to a status anywhere close to the way “the code” elevates a woman. Men attribute the status of men based upon power (or perceived power) but this elevation is not the same. Men don’t look at men as someone to treat tenderly, someone that can be broken, someone that is like a prized vase. They look at other men as someone to be respected. So the equality of the woman (and don’t get me wrong I am 100% behind a woman having the same opportunities as a man) has actually done nothing more than demote a woman to the level of a man. It’s all too common for men to expect women do the little things like open the car door for themselves, or help with the check. Chivalry is still there but you need to look hard to see a man treating or woman like a woman rather than treating her like another guy. As a relationship moves into marriage and the partners settle into their roles in managing family and household, how many disagreements would be resolved by a man acting chivalrous toward his wife and serving her rather than treating her as an equal. Isn’t this equal playing field part of what creates marital struggles. What if, men, we treated our wives as that prize vase, as the most precious china. What would our marriages be like?

Now I come to brotherhood. Another code of old. I see brotherhood as something like a band of warriors. Men who stand side by side, men who share in the battles but more than that, way more than that. Brotherhood has the idea of men watching out for each other, fighting the battle on their front but also keeping an eye for his fellow man. The idea that no man is out there alone. Independence is prized in our society. It is not conducive to the concept of brotherhood. This brotherhood is a deep camaraderie. Men sharing struggles with men. Men, as warriors, have something to die for. They also need someone to die with. The brotherhood.

This comes back around to men giving of themselves to selflessly serve a greater cause.

By Christina Hoff Sommers – USA Today (May 18, 2006)

It is common knowledge that American schoolboys are faring poorly compared with girls. The average 11th-grade boy has the writing skills of an 8th-grade girl. Boys receive a majority of the failing grades, while girls garner most of the honors. Women earn 57% of bachelor’s degrees, a gender gap that experts predict will widen. So what are the Department of Education and National Science Foundation doing about the problem of male underachievement?

Nothing. But they are conducting a review of math, physics and engineering programs at selected universities to root out supposed bias against women and girls. Their weapon is Title IX, which “is not just related to sports,” says Stephanie Monroe, assistant secretary of Education for civil rights. “We’re in the process right now of putting together our dockets.” She assures us that these Title IX reviews are just business as usual for her department.

But why continue them in the face of massive evidence that it is now boys who are on the wrong side of the gender gap? It is still early in this new Title IX process, and any implementation would require the approval of the Bush administration.
(more…)

“The US Senate debated making English the official US language as dispute raged over US immigration law reform. An amendment to immigration legislation presented by Oklahoma Republican James Inhofe would require all official paperwork and business to be carried on in English…” Yahoo! News (May 18, 2006)

What in the world is this all about? Does it even make sense? This country was founded by individuals that spoke English, our foundational documents are written in English, it is assumed that you speak English in this country if you go just about anywhere.

Now look at this quote from the US Citizenship and Immigration Services web site:

“To be eligible for naturalization, you must be able to read, write, and speak basic English. The sentences on this page are examples of the types of sentences an INS officer may ask you to read aloud or write during your interview. They are not an exhaustive list. The INS officer who interviews you may ask you to read or write other sentences.“

This list is followed by 98 specific sentences related to civics and everyday life. Now WHY, if you are required to speak and read English to become a US citizen would English not be our official language.? Is there a disconnect here or am I just missing the big picture.

Disregarding the cost of supporting multiple languages for health and social services plus governmental functions wouldn’t it just be a lot easier for everyone if there was AN official language on record? Anyone is fine, let’s just pick one and move on to more important matters.

Keeping the lines of communication open can be very difficult. My common error is to jump in and close those lines before they are even fully established.

Usually it looks something like this: I see some “offense” (untasteful thought, emotion, action or other behaviour) and want to correct the situation to make the world right again Now understand that the degree of my effort to correct this depends the level to which I am the offendee. The more that I see the offense was directed toward me, either intentionally or unintentionally, the greater my efforts to right this egregious wrong. In this wholly joyful and righteous state of mind I jump in feet first, burning all bridges ready to set things straight. Now the trouble begins.

I my zeal I make no allowance for coming alongside this other person and explaining how I feel. No I go right for the throat. “You were wrong to do ___________”. Have I established a line of communication or have I thrown a burning arrow? When I do step into this other persons shoes I discover that had he made this approach with me I would immediately prepare for battle and throw all my shields up.

Proverbs 18:19 says:

“An offended brother is more unyielding than a fortified city, and disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel.” (NIV)

In my haste to express some offense against me, I have in turn created an offense against another. Not too likely that he’ll respond in a way I find acceptable. What do I do when I don’t get the response I desire? Now I’ve proven that this other person doesn’t care so so I am even more right in my own eyes.

There’s something to be said for words that are as smooth as honey.

What changes everything? I just finished watching this weeks episode and the previews for next weeks season finale said that what happens will change everything. There are answers coming for sure, but none of those answers could possibly have that much impact. The only thing that could “change everything” would be if the Losties were in control of the island and whatever Dharma has going on. Exactly how likely is that to happen? I say not at all.

Tonight’s episode centered around Michael and his struggle to do what it takes to get Walt back. We saw Walt tonight for the first time in weeks. Yes, he has aged a bit for the 2 weeks or so that have elapsed (in Lost time). I did not find it that distracting though. Michael has some incredible determination to keep in generally together in the midst of the crimes he has committed. At least they showed that he is struggling with his decisions as any normal person would. I am glad that Sayid saw through the deception. Could this be how the Losties get the upper hand? Where is Locke off to? What does Eko have to gain by pushing the button? What do Kate, Jack, Hurley and Sawyer have in common? Seems to me that this would be part of the reason that these lives are so closely tied together is only a degree or so of separation.

My current theory is that this is an experiment gone awry due to some kind of revolt.

Why does the marriage relationship ebb and flow? The good times come and they wane. Even in the best of marriages there are times of conflict and distance. But why does this prove to be almost universally true? What are the dynamics that would cause a relationship of two people who have sworn their love to each other to fade?

Two people come together for many reasons. Some with the best intentions, some purely to seek betterment from their current condition, others for no more reason than passion or convenience. It’s not this coming together that I want to explore, it’s this waxing and waning. For whatever reason two people are together (whether a declared marriage or not) and the relationship is always in a state of movement. Either toward togetherness or toward apartness; it’s always in motion.

Something must be changing, something must be driving the change. We know that all people experience emotional highs and lows in various degrees at differing times. Our emotions are linked to our thoughts and attitudes. We can quickly, without realizing it, begin to allow our emotions to control our thoughts which in turn control our attitudes which in turn dictates our actions. Why do we… better yet How can we allow any such thoughts or actions to exist? Whatever the initial reason, people do not go into marriage thinking “I am going to hurt this person”. So what is it that causes us to start moving in that waning cycle? Consciously or unconsciously putting emotional distance between that person and us?

I see an element of selfishness. Maybe something didn’t go our way. That one covers a lot of ground. Let’s see what falls into something not going my way… “He cut me off”, “I wanted that job”, “She takes too long”, “You made me late”, “I really need a few extra dollars”, “You don’t listen to me”, “We never spend time together”, “You don’t like what I like”, on and on it goes.

The selfish factor can account for some of the drifting. Could there be something else going on or does it all boil down to plain old selfishness? Is this what breaks up marriages and starts world wars?

This morning I had to catch a flight to Tucson. It’ll be a weeklong business trip. Hotels, fast food, boredom. Yuck! This is after a busy week last week. Calculus final (and prepatory study) followed by 3 nights at a men’s retreat with my church. I returned home Sunday afternoon in time to prepare a Mother’s Day picnic and take the family out for picnic and walk. We enjoyed the day honoring the mother of my children and my wife.

I no sooner unpacked my laundry than I repacked my bag with items to last me a week. I knew first thing this morning that I needed to schedule my wife into the events or there would be no time to reconnect until next week. She was also busy but I asked her if she had a few minutes to share a grapefruit with me in the backyard. It was only about 5 minutes but the time was blessed for me.

“Consider it wholly joyful, my brethren, whenever you are enveloped in or encounter trials of any sort or fall into various temptations………Every good gift and every perfect (free, large, full) gift is from above; it comes down from the Father of all [that gives] light, in [the shining of] Whom there can be no variation [rising or setting] or shadow cast by His turning [as in an eclipse].”
James 1:2 & 17 – Amplified Version (AMP)

Read James chapter 1. It talks of trials and the end result of bearing up under trials. It talks of asking for wisdom. Wisdom for what? In context it seems that the wisdom would be wisdom to understand that the trials I am in the midst of will perfect me so that I can be fully developed, not lacking anything. Sounds like wisdom to understand how a blessing can be produced. Verse 12 promises the crown of life to those who love him.

Why bring up love here? What does it have to do with trials, blessings, etc. As I see it, the love referred to here equates to obedience in bearing up, in asking for wisdom and in short to finding the path to joy. I think it’s safe to say that trials could equate to suffering. Isn’t that how we view it? There are many ways of suffering, some obvious, some not to apparent. Verses 12-16 talk about temptation leading to sin and ultimately death. Isn’t the process of being tried by fire suffering? Didn’t Abraham suffer to the core of his very soul as he was obedient to God and had to endure knowing exactly what he must do to Isaac once the alter was built? Suffering comes through many forms with the one common thread being that it anguishes our soul. Sometimes obedience can feel like suffering.

This all brings me to verse 17. Wow! Now after all this we’re lead to this verse talking about the good and perfect gifts that we receive. Why talk about gifts from God now? Could it be that good and perfect gifts could sometimes come in a form that we don’t recognize? Don’t we all picture a gift as a neat, pretty package with something thoughtful inside? Could it be that some gifts are for our good and joy but in order to realize the full potential of the gift we have to use it. Maybe it doesn’t look particularly pleasant, maybe it looks like something that we’ve spent our entire life avoiding. But it could be that these good a perfect gifts are exactly what we need to find the joy that God promises if we have patience to endure. God has promised that his blessing will perfect us.

As I look back on my life I see these times of anguish and I see that God’s worked it for my good. Could that trial been the gift all along? For Abraham it was.

This may all be a stretch, but it does make me look at suffering in a different light – as something that will produce a perfect work in me – and to understand that sometimes my “suffering” may actually be a gift from God designed to do a good work in me.