In common usage respect has many of these connotations:

• morally to revere;
• to swell up (to be proud of);
• to lift;
• to value;
• to desire;
• to express costliness (as in pricelessness);
• to give weight to (a good thing on a balance scale);
• approve of;
• to invert (or do the opposite of what is expected);
• honorable;
• precious.

Antonym = to think against; to despise; to devalue.

I don’t believe there’d be any disagreement that respect is given. It can’t be taken.

In common practice respect is earned. But what is the price?

Therein lies a problem. If I only need show my respect when it’s earned by you, then you have a moving target. You give me what I need and I’ll give you what you crave. Creating a win-win relationship can never be around an I’ll do, if you do attitude. Best I can do with that is meet somewhere in the middle of mediocrity.

By “being”, for good or for bad, everyone is worthy of respect. Do they earn it? Nope. Sad to say most of us don’t, and sometimes are at a place where we’re unable to. Truth is none of us can measure up – consistently, all the time. There are times when I flat out don’t deserve respect. But when it’s withdrawn from me, I tend to do more things that are undeserving of respect, initiating a vicious cycle in which there are NO winners.

Inherently I know this. I know I “should” respect a police officer, the mayor, the president. But when it comes right down to it I withdraw that respect because MY needs are not being met. Isn’t that what it’s all about – I’ll give it when I’m getting? My withdrawal of respect by saying “You’re not worthy of it at this moment” is nothing more than saying “I don’t think you deserve it.” How selfish can I be? If others did this to me when I didn’t deserve respect it would tend to cause me to act out of rejection – and that doesn’t instigate goodness in me.

From a scriptural standpoint, respect is given “because.” It’s not conditional. For me to give someone respect that does not deserve it is the surest way to reach them. Does not guarantee they’ll live up to it? No. But to withdraw respect is a surefire way to bring out the worst in someone.

I can choose to be selfish or selfless. I can choose to be defeated or choose to risk the possibly getting what I desire.

Have you noticed that there seems to be something in our culture today that requires people to have some kind of diagnosis for why they are the way they are?

– My mind races and I have a hard time focusing on one thing.
– My joints ache and I am constantly in a state of fatigue.
– I drink too much because I was too controlled growing up.
– I’m into risky behavior because I’m seeking someone who cares about me.

What’s wrong with me? If only I knew what it was called or what caused it I’d somehow feel much better. Why does our society need a label for what we’re dealing with? Why not simply pursue the solution?

If our body cannot tolerate years and years of artificial this or artificial that – well, then stop it. Why would I want to pill that masks the symptoms but leaves the underlying problem? That would be like covering my decaying house with a fresh coat of paint. The house is only made prettier, not more solid. The “fix my life” pill seems to be the goal for physical problems. But for emotional ones the route seems to be fault finding with someone in our past.

Personally, I believe there is a lot of room for introspection, but only for the purpose of understanding and correcting today’s actions. To spend too much time in the past keeps us from living in the present. True, many have been harmed in many ways either directly or indirectly, but to somehow relentlessly pursue some kind of apology has only limited benefit.

Yes, it would be great if every breech in relationship were mended and both parties asked for and received forgiveness. But, hey, that’s not life. People are people, some are gracious, some are not. Some hold a record or wrongs, some do not. To desire repaired relationships is a worthy pursuit – to not let go of a grievance until the other party apologizes is nothing but selfish and putting self-interest first. It’s an entitlement mentality.

Why does the world owe us? Why do my parents owe me? Why does my second grade teacher owe me? Fact, they messed up. Fact, I will mess up too. It’s not about looking elsewhere to set to world straight. It’s about looking at the one person we have full control over.

Why is everything about us? Why is it always “what you did to me” and not “what was my part?”

Salt is a seasoning, as such it enhances the flavor of what is being eaten. Salt is a preservative, it allows us to maintain food in an edible state.

When it comes to positive or negative influences, how can one be salt to others? Too much salt is distasteful and although it may preserve what it preserves is also inedible.

If you ask me, I’d say that truth is timeless. Truth is absolute. Truth does not change. Truth is not subjective. Truth is truth regardless of any other factor.

Today’s society seems to have the idea that truth is what’s right for the here and now. That truth is what suites me. I would argue, “If it’s truth, how can it change?” Disregard all that is presented as truth as truth until you have looked into it more deeply.

MY former employer, which is now my current employer, is have a global sales meeting and its refreshing to see this company tell it like it is. There are things that are not a pretty picture, and its too easy to sweep it under the carpet, but they’re not. IT IS NOT a time for bashing, it’s a time of reckoning to see where we are as a company and how we need to improve in order to meet established goals. Truth is nothing to shy away from – it’s something to embrace.

Oh that our relationships would be based in such a solid footing.

Do all the good you can,
by all the means you can,
in all the ways you can,
in all the places you can,
at all the times you can,
to all the people you can,
as long as you ever can.
John Wesley

Do not say to your neighbor, “Come back later; I’ll give it tomorrow”–when you now have it with you.
Proverbs 3:28 – New International Version (NIV)

How does this work it self out practically? Does it leave room for not running into exhaustion? Does it mean that every time someone knocks on your door asking for money you give it to them? What about having something left for family?

Some things to think about today

Here I am again posting about being heard. The topic makes me wonder how many people think the same of me – that I do not hear them.

In the last few years I have tried to work more on active listening skills – but find myself constantly falling into old habits. It’s not that someone else isn’t important enough for me to listen to, there’s just something in me that says “hey, I know something about that, here’s my two cents.” When I have those moments it’s all too quickly I find that I have taken over the conversation. Yucch, I hate that. Here I am really wanting to listen and then I find that I have taken the conversation. Why do I do that?

Active Listening = listening to find the meaning in what is being said.

Active listening involves watching body language, hearing what is being said not with just the words and mannerisms, but also “hearing” what the emotions are saying. Is the person speaking out of fearfulness, anger, sadness or hurt? The emotions can tell us more than the words are able to express. I know for me that is so often true.

Its goal is to improve mutual understanding. A side effect is that you and I feel heard – it makes us feel important, worthy, valuable.

My challenge is to be that active listener.

Lately I have been struggling to discern the difference between needs and wants. So many wants can look and feel like needs. Now complicate that issue by looking toward another person to meet or fill that need or want. In my thinking needs are reasonable requests that you would reasonably expect to be met by someone close to you. Wants can also be quite reasonable but they seem to have an “optional” quality about them.

What’s reasonable? For that matter is it even reasonable to expect anything from another fallible human being?

In order to understand what another person is saying, you must assume that it is true, and try to imagine what it could be true of.
George A. Miller, Ph.D.

This is a fascinating quote indeed. I stumbled upon this when researching George A. Miller for his work on short term memory.

Basically he says that if I tell you I am a styrofoam airplane your response would be something to the effect of, “Is it advantageous to be lightweight when you fly?” You would then exercise your attentive listening skills and ask appropriate questions as the interchange continued.

The theory is that it would reduce a great amount of wasted time over your arguing with me and prevent you from leaping to conclusions.

Instead of trying to get our message across we should stop and listen to the significance of what others are saying.

Good question and a tough one. We applaud intervention. We want to help others – for their own good and oft times ours as well. At the same time nagging is rejected as an unacceptable behavior.

Let’s take something clearcut, like alcohol. A drink or two daily – problem or not? If there is no negative consequences to the drinking should intervention take place? What if the person NEEDS to drink everyday? There are so many “drugs of choice” that we all use to numb the pain. When is it appropriate to point out, and how often? At what point do you take more serious action?

Is nagging something in which the eventual outcome judges the behavior?

rash –adjective
1. acting or tending to act too hastily or without due consideration.
2. characterized by or showing too great haste or lack of consideration: rash promises.
dictionary.com

I have acted rashly. In relationships this can be very detrimental if the breech is not addressed and restoration of relationship made.

Thank goodness for SMS (Short Message Service) aka ‘texting’.

Careful words make for a careful life; careless talk may ruin everything.
Proverbs 13:3 – The Message (MSG)