Mon 28 Mar 2011
‘Round and ’round she goes, where she stops nobody knows. Solar cycles come and solar cycles go. Time marches on.
To another year!
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Archived Posts from this Category
Wed 23 Feb 2011
This week I am feeling scattered. There are several large projects (work and personal) in which I am the lead. I feel that any one of them is manageable but when I try to do one – the others start coming to mind, distracting from my focus. When this happens the secondary, not-even-important, small projects of things I could be doing also clutter my thinking.
I have tried various methods to manage this – like assigning specific days to specific projects. The idea being that I am trying to discipline myself to look only at the one for today with the assurance that the others will get their turn. The unfortunate thing is that my mind does not obey my intellect.
What am I to do? The amount of information and ways and methods of accomplishment are swirling around in my head causing a total inability to do ANY of the projects.
This all seems to come back to having too many interests and not enough life to devote to any.
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Tue 22 Feb 2011
I’m playing single dad last night and tonight. Dinner, Dogs and Daughter. I decided to work from home today in order to maximize my total productivity during this day.
Yes, I have accomplished a lot – but then I haven’t. I can’t tell if there are fewer distractions or more as compared to sitting in my little cubicle. A nap also sounds kind of nice. Alas, there will be no such luxury. Now let’s see if I can keep my back from the same level of agony I end up with by the end of each workday. That alone would make the day sweet!
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Mon 24 Jan 2011
I suppose I am at or past the juncture in life where one of my life dreams could have been fulfilled.
Yup, that’s right. A dream of mine for nearly 30 years was to be a member of the highly exclusive 300 Club.
The 300 Club is the name given to persons who have endured a range of temperature of 300 degrees Fahrenheit within a very short time. The practice originated at Amundsen-Scott South Pole Station in Antarctica.
Participants in the 300 Club wait for a day when the temperature drops to -100 degrees Fahrenheit for more than a few minutes, generally in the winter. The persons first warm up in a sauna heated to 200 degrees for as long as 10 minutes. Then they run naked in the snow to the Ceremonial Pole itself in the -100 degree weather, and run around the Pole. After this, they usually warm themselves back in the sauna again, often with the aid of alcoholic drinks.
Wed 12 Jan 2011
I’ve been thinking about my life and how so much of it has been lived selfishly and foolishly. On the surface I know that has never been my intention but the fact is that something has constantly driven me in that direction. I don’t advocate absolving responsibility, but it does seem as if the forces were beyond my control. I mean what could I do about forces that are coming from within me that I am not even aware of? There have been times where I wonder if I have done more damage on this earth than good.
I wonder if the fact that I dismiss them on an intellectual level is due to right reasoning, justification and just blindly sticking my head in the sand. One argument goes something like, “you can only do the best with what you have.” This would include things I am not yet aware of.
Life is a constant revelation of self, the true self. How can I be expected to have all knowledge if I have not lived, therefore I can only do the best with what I have. The argument goes with “hindsight is 20-20.” Of course it is, as I look back I have more knowledge. But moving in the forward direction – as life does – there is no way I can have tomorrow’s knowledge (and wisdom) today.
Of course, that argument fails when held up against the wisdom of others. We always have others that have tread the ground before us. Their knowledge/wisdom no matter whether it’s from their own learning or I watch them, oblivious to themselves, make mistakes and I learn from their errors, is an external form of knowledge which calls me to learn it’s wisdom.
But what about those forces? The common vernacular is baggage. Baggage is what drives me to do what I do. Baggage that at times seems unbearable, but yet I am unwilling to part with it, as a dear friend. Baggage determines my attitudes, my attitudes drive my actions. And as usually happens my actions cause the results that reinforce my belief system. It is a vicious cycle.
One truth I have found in life is that the cycle can be broken by doing what is contrary to all common sense. (concurrent with this discovery is the fact that the Bible was riddled with this truth long before “I” discovered it). In my mind it seems as if the world will fall apart if I break this cycle. In truth in will. My world revolved around this cycle, when the cycle stops the world as I know it ceases to exist. I am left in a new, sometimes frightening world in which I am unfamiliar and the rules are different.
I digress. If I ceased to exist today would the world be affected (aside from those few close to me)? But that’s the wrong question. If I ask the wrong question I get the wrong answer. The presumption in that question is that I am static; I am unchanging. Truth is, I have changed, I continue to change. Life is forward looking. The accurate question is, “If I ceased to exist today what affect would it have on those my onward growth touches.” The impact may seem small but it only takes a minute course correction to make HUGE changes over time. And time is what this world is made of. The effect of the smallest change in my life has incalculable impact over days, weeks, months, years and decades. Indirect influences are astronomical, spanning generations.
This all takes me back to the negative impact of my life on others. There has been lots of that. Should I run around living in the past or should I use the past and somehow redeem the weeds and thorns sown in my stubbornness and ignorance?
Is this all a cop out? Burying my head in the sand? Justification for the past? (and likely the future – after all my core is still pretty corrupted). I don’t know. What I do know is the source of the truths I have discovered in life and my hope is to trust in the truths still to be grasped like the idea of my worthiness in spite of myself.
Nearly a year ago I embarked on leading a Sunday morning study in the book of 1 Corinthians. The first week I had planned to cover verses 1-9 of chapter 1. They were all salutary verses, obligatory in a letter. I did not make it past verse 3 in 1½ hours. The reason was trying to understand why Paul, with all sincerity of heart would call those in Corinth SAINTS. There is no doubt to any scholar that this letter was written to a bunch of misfits. They were divisive. They were selfish. They were greedy, immoral, self-righteous and proud. They brought the ways of their culture into their church. They abused the grace of God in all forms of license. The women flaunted their independence and God’s order. The men had no qualms about taking their fellow believers to court to get what was due them.
And Paul called them saints.
I could take the self-righteous approach and reproach them for things I would never do. But you know what? I have committed many of the exact offenses. I am in their class.
Positionally I am a saint. Functionally I am a sinner. A saint that sins. Not pretty but the truth is my identity is clear. The real issue in this life is to live up to my calling. It’s not where I’m at it’s where I am going. Life is forward moving, not static, not backward motion.
Time only moves in one direction and it never stops.
Sat 1 Jan 2011
It’s a new year. A time for beginnings. Like a cyclical springtime of life, this is a time to clear out the dead so the new can sprout.
Blessings to all
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Wed 22 Dec 2010
Why Does God Call Us To Pray?
Posted @ 10:10 am {Click to post comment} (1 posted)Category: Personal , Spiritual
Night before last I was awakened to pray. I won’t go into the “how” at this time. Suffice it to say that as I came to waking alertness I knew my only response was to pray. To pray fervently.
This has happened to me a handful of times over the past decade. There is no doubt in my mind what I was called to do. There was no doubt in my mind what my reaction should be.
I lingered afterward in a state on ponderence, wondering why in the world God would wake me up to pray to Him to make-the-world-right. I mean He is God. He knew situation XYZ was about to occur. He has the power to intercede. Why involve an intermediary such as me? A wholly inadequate intermediary at that.
His purposes include man as the instrument of His will. I don’t understand it but I smell love all over it.
Oh yes, within the next 24 hours the reason for my prayers from deep within my gut became overwhelmingly obviously. God did intercede in an event I was not even understanding was about to transpire.
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Thu 9 Dec 2010
This time of year does not see many roses in the wild. But I spotted one a few days ago on a local walk. Take a look. Do you see it?
I’ve been making an almost-daily stop just to see my rose and I thought I’d share it with you all.
If you’re still having a hard time spotting it, you’re looking too hard. The scene is the rose. It was a conscious effort earlier this week to “stop and smell the roses.” I did and here is what I was presented. It is a glorious, rainy day rose. Beauty in the middle of a season of dormancy.
I like my rose. I think I’ll look for more.
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Wed 13 Oct 2010
Can you imagine what must be going through the minds of the remaining miners in Chile? Trapped underground for 69 days. 700,000 tons and ½ mile of earth between them and families and friends. At this point over 50% have reached the surface.
What about the last guy? What must be going through his mind? What level of anticipation must be there. How can one contain themselves. This has got to be better than a kid having the freedom to select ALL the candies and eat until he cannot eat anymore.
It’s been that kind of week for me. At this moment I am so prepared, so ready, so equipped for the next few days. By the way, I’ve done nothing in the way of preparation except the hard part – laying it all down before God; making every attempt to submit and soak. He’ll do the rest.
I don’t even know what will be required of me and I honestly do not care. I am fully equipped for anything and everything. One step at a time. I don’t even need to know when I’m supposed to take that next step. He’ll tell me. He always has. My task is to wait for the voice. In it’s time He’ll tell me what to do next.
Oh, that I could learn to lean all the time.
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Tue 21 Sep 2010
In the last 30 days at least 5 solid ideas for personal endeavors have occupied a significant portion of my thinking. Now understand, I’m not talking about a fleeting idea or ‘daydream’ – I’m talking about thoughts which over several indefinite time periods repeatedly came to mind and I masticated and pondered what it would look like, how it would happen – each of the details to the minute level.
I have noticed that these ideas come in spurts of entrepreneurial creativity and usually seem to end the same thought; “I don’t have time for that.”
The crazy thing is these are ideas which I am passionate about and seem to have all the drive but they get dropped because they get squeezed out because of life. I sense that for my own benefit I need to grab hold of one and only one and see it all the way through.
The problem is – when? I do not seem to have the hours in a day or even a week to consistently return to develop the idea. The idea gets to a point where I feel overwhelmed by the magnitude of it – then I am forced to say goodbye to yet another dream of what could have been.
Does anyone else struggle in this same way?
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