Today I am spending a little time contemplating the state of family in America in the 21st century.  Since I cannot personally attest to the facts of our society 100 years ago, nor do I know anyone who can, I’ll have to take a rather sterile  approach and use documented sources.  I understand that these can give me the facts but they are cold, missing the heartbeat and life of an entire culture, devoid of what it was really like to live at the time.At the dawn of the 20th century, the industrial revolution had already changed the landscape of America.  Families had been moving en masse from farms to the promise of the cities and their factories.  Society adjusted, as it always does.  Things changed… people changed, new ways of doing things were adopted.  Expectations were changed.  It would be many years before this transition to city life could be said to be at equilibrium as it is today. From the distance of time one thing about the family does seem clear.  It was central to the culture.  Things were not utopian, they never were nor are they now.  They were just different.  Back then bad marriages were real, people were selfish and irresponsible, kids bucked their parents authority – not much different than today.  Then why are the divorce statistics so much different only 4 generations later?

It’s common knowledge that today 1 of every 2 marriages ends in divorce.  Another tragic statistic that I recently heard is that of the 50% of marriages that do survive only 1 in 5 (20%!) would rate their marriage as a happy one.  That means that 9 of every 10 marriages is mediocre at best!  This is alarming!  This is not the way it should be and is preventable.

In my humble opinion this is due to the shift toward self as the focal point of all things that matter in our lives.  The affluence of our society has created much more leisure time (and wealth to use that leisure time) and the result is self-indulgence.  When we as a society become accustomed to getting what we want luxuries become necessities and we can’t imagine how we could possibly live without it.  Ever try to imagine how people got by without cell phones, two cars or even electricity?

At last my rambling has paid off, here’s the point.  How can we expect marriages to be fulfilling when we’re so used to being indulged?  How can we be fulfilled when we’re coupled with another person who is thinking exactly like we are…. me, me, me?